Building Lasting Marriages. What Does That Entail? By Marjorie A. Gordon-DeLee, MA ( January 15, 2019)
When you know what you did not get in your previous marriage, you can definitely say what is needed to have a lasting marriage.
First of all, a marriage must be built on loyalty to the person that you have vowed before God to be with the rest of your life for better or for worse. Being loyal to your spouse entails: faithfulness, devotion, allegiance, trustworthiness, consistency, reliability, fidelity, dependability, and steadfastness; which all have the same meaning. If none of these words are in your description of how you vow to build a lasting relationship, then that most certainly mean that you are not marriage material and need to move on.
Building lasting marriage includes the love and admiration that you give to your wife, husband, partner, or spouse; however, you would like to label your other half. And that is exactly who you become when you are married, as one together in all that you do. There should never be any separation in anything as you partner. All activities are discussed between the two of you and neither one should engage in any activity separate from the other unless discuss and acknowledged.
Please do greet each other with a kiss every morning upon arising from sleep. When you came together before marriage there was all of this love and devotion, so keep it going all throughout the marriage. Just because you have latched on to that man or that woman, it does not mean that now you can take the other person granted because you feel that they are not going anywhere and that person has to take any and all bad treatment that you dish out to them. That is not what a wholesome, loving marriage is all about. The same love, attention, pursuit that you gave one another in the beginning to attract them and gain their trust must be continued until the day one of you die. Yes, I said die. That is the only time that the marriage should end when both people are committed to having a loving marriage.
Never allow your partner to wonder about your love throughout the day when you are apart from one another. Any unexpected, loving gesture will greatly be appreciated. Do not take your partner for granted. Keep the fire burning in your marriage because the two of you came together because you saw something in the other person that you greatly desired to incorporate into your life. Maybe it was that beautiful smile, their gorgeous eyes, their attractiveness, their profound speech, how they interacted with other people, their intellect, etc. It could be any of the aforementioned qualities or other character traits that lured you into their sphere. So, never forget about your true beginnings and continue to build upon those with new and creative ideas as you grow older and wiser together.
Jon Stolpe (2015) shared these, “7 Habits that Build a Lasting Marriage”:
1. Say “I love you” everyday
Saying “I love you” is easy when you first get married. You profess your love at the altar, and your profession tapers off as time passes. This should not be the case. A little love everyday goes a long way. Make a daily habit every day of telling your spouse how much you love her.
And, I would like to say, tell your husband every day how much you love him.
2. Hold hands.
Remember when you held hands with your spouse for the first time. There was magic in the air. You can literally feel a tingling sensation as your fingers interlock. Holding hands should not end when you say, “I do”.
3. Keep dating your spouse.
Before you married one another, you found every excuse to be together. You dated all the time. When marriage and children creep in, dating often gets kicked to the curb. Commit to yourself and to each other to keep dating. Block time on your calendar every week or every month to make sure that you go out on a date with your wife and with your kids.
4. Eliminate words like “ALWAYS” and “NEVER” from your vocabulary.
“You ALWAYS leave your laundry on the floor.” “You “NEVER” get home on time.” Wouldn’t it sound better like this:” I would appreciate it if you would put your laundry in the hamper or put it away instead of leaving it on the floor.” I know you are working hard at the office, but I would appreciate it if you made an effort to arrive home by 6 PM, so we can eat dinner together. These are just a few examples. Always means forever and never means not even once. By watching the words that we use when we communicate with our spouses, we are sure to make things pave an easier road for our marriages.
5. Choose to resolve conflict and anger
Unresolved conflict is a recipe for bitterness which ultimately leads to isolation and eventual separation (physically or emotionally). Confronting our anger is not always easy, but the outcome is almost always positive. It’s worth seeking resolution.
6. Prioritize your time to reflect the priority of your relationship
Look at your schedule. Is there any room for spending time with your spouse? It’s time we said no to a few things, so we can have more time for the most important person in our world-our spouse.
7. Take the time to reaffirm your commitment
Take a moment to reaffirm your love and commitment to yourselves and one another each day. These small opportunities to have conversation will keep you united even when the world is going crazy all around you.
Reference
Stolpe, J. (2015). 7 Habits that building a lasting marriage. Retrieved on January 15, 2019 from https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/hlg-7-habits-that-build-a-lasting-marriage/
Comments