By Marjorie A. Gordon-DeLee, MA (November 29, 2018)
Dealing with Backstabbers at Work and How Learning Business Etiquette can possibly help Eliminate these Toxic Behaviors in People.
When an individual is confident in their own abilities, they do not resort to underhanded tricks and schemes to succeed in life or in the workplace. They take their time and move through the many different channels that are necessary to honestly accomplish their goals in life. Insecure people are the backstabbers who resort to this undesirable unprofessional behavior.
If finances are an issue and holding a person back from further self-development, then use the resources that are within the reach of ones’ fingertips. There is the Library that stores lots of books to be used freely. There is the Internet that has a vast amount of free information. There are magazines and also informational television stations that one can learn from as well. There are also the inexpensive books that are donated to Thrift Stores for the small purchase price of only $1.00. Anyone can conjure up an excuse when they are not motivated to improve upon their own development in life.
Moreover, if all employees would basically focus on the work that they were hired to do and not get caught up in the office gossip nor be the ones to initiate office gossip because of their insecurities and jealousy of another coworker, the organization culture would be much more pleasant. When the office atmosphere is pleasant, people enjoy cordial relationships that ignite comradery amongst employees. When the employee relationship blossom to this extent, people are willing to share information that enhances the next person’s growth without having any fear of repercussions from the receiving coworker backstabbing them in the future.
This can easily be accomplished by adherence to the practice of quality business etiquette. Simoes (2013) advises in her article that, “One of the biggest mistakes you can make in your career is not understanding that there are certain codes and rules to abide by in the workplace.” And if an employee fails to understand this crucial information and dismiss making the necessary changes in their behaviors to abide by these codes and rules of the workplace, they are sabotaging their own careers, no one else is to blame for their failures.
Simoes (2013) shared 17 Essential Office Etiquette Tips in her article from Catherine Palmiere, president of recruitment firm Adam Personnel, and Lyudmila Bloch, business etiquette coach at World Class Business Etiquette and author of "The Golden Rules of Etiquette at The Plaza.":
1. Don't Interrupt your colleagues. Not only is it disrespectful but it's a sign of "poor social skills," Bloch says.
2. Pull the plug on office chatter. Palmiere says it's okay to bond with your colleagues but "when they're walking with you to continue the conversation that's when you know it's too much."
3. Don't be loud. Bloch says it's not just rude, "it's intrusive." Keep quiet and you won't invade other people's personal space.
4. Don't eat smelly food. It can be very offensive to a coworker, so save the smelly Tuna or bag of buttery popcorn for your down time at home.
5. Don't use slang or text-speak. "An email should be handled as a formal letter," Palmiere says. And don't forget, emails can be "kept on a company's record for years."
6. Share the credit. Not acknowledging a colleague's work can ruin your reputation. "You won't come across as a team player, [but instead] you will come across as a self-indulgent individual who just cares about his or her promotion," Bloch tells us.
7. Hold back on the perfume. Palmiere says when it comes to perfume there are "a lot of people who overdo it." It's disruptive and many people are allergic to it. If you can't control yourself, don't wear it at all.
8. Office attire should stay on the conservative side. Bloch says it's best to be traditional. Still, not all offices are the same so think about "who you're meeting with and then plan your wardrobe accordingly."
9. Keep your ring tone under control. The music can be distracting, so it's best to keep your phone on vibrate.
10. Keep the office clean. Your boss shouldn't have to tell you this. Palmiere says "if you have a cup of coffee wash, the cup or throw your cup out if it's disposable. If you have food in the refrigerator that you don't take home, it should get thrown out. Be clean."
11. Don't get too personal at work. Bloch says it not only kills productivity, but "when you disclose too much you become vulnerable and it's not a good thing in the business environment."
12. Be on time. Bloch says being punctual says a lot about your personal values. "When you're constantly late, you are basically giving a silent message that you don't care," Bloch explains.
13. Don't take personal calls at your desk. If you have to, then it's fine to take a personal call at your desk sometimes, but end it quickly so that you don't disturb those around you — especially if it's an open office space.
14. Don't wear your commuting shoes at work. "Change you shoes way before you get to your office," Bloch advises. The way people perceive you.
15. It's okay to blow your nose at your desk, but only if it's an emergency. "If you have consistent allergies or take certain medication for your nose, do it in the privacy of the restroom."
16. Don't play with your hair during a meeting. If you can't keep yourself from playing with your hair, "it's better to put your hair back, maybe tight in a ponytail." You should also refrain from brushing your hair or applying makeup at your desk.
17. Don't come to work if you're too sick. The rule of thumb is "if you're contagious you should stay home." But if you just have sniffles you should be at the office. "If we took a day off every time we didn't feel well, we'd never be at the office," Palmiere says.
Many times, people have no clue how to “act” and mimic the poor behaviors televised on shows and sitcoms or the poor behaviors of untrained superiors such as Executive Directors, Program Managers, or other supervisors whose never grasped the concept of business etiquette themselves. If one does not take the time to learn what is appropriate, they will never understand the significance of appropriate behavior that is different in each setting.
A note to remember; upon hire, during the new hire orientation, the facilitator should make a point of stressing how important the practice of business etiquette is to a satisfactory employee’s presence within the organization at the onset of hire. Because mannerism is so vital in so many aspects of life the new employee should not take it likely. Each and every Human Resource Department should highlight business etiquette importance, along with business ethics, at every opportunity. It will improve self-confidence in the employee (they will feel better know that they are acting according to guidelines as a professional), productivity in the employee and overall organization and contribute to the overall growth in the services the organization can provide to its’ customers. Stop backbiting before it even begins. Some things cannot be danced around on, management cannot be afraid to open up the subject and confront the issue at hand.
Generally, people engage in back-stabbing behaviors to gain something for themselves and gain power over you. Some would say they are insecure or jealous of your success. Maybe everyone’s been raving about how great you are with clients. The backstabber smiles at you, congratulates you and behind your back attacks. His goal (whether he realizes it or not) is to put himself in a position of power over you. He wants to be noticed and he think he will need you to look bad or inept in order for him to look better. This is especially common in organizations where everyone is fighting over scarce resources (Russell, n.d.)
Backstabbers are jealous people, that is why they engage in backstabbing other people whom they fear as a threat to them. Several times over the course of my work life, I have taken the opportunity to share my knowledge and skills with other employees by providing training and guidance from the goodness of my heart. As a result, the individuals that I took the time to pour my heart into and provide the training, turned around and backstab me by gaining some of my responsibilities as their own through sheer deceit or went so far as to blocking me from further growth within the organization.
Health Psychology Consultancy (2013) has provided some personality traits of the backstabber as follows:
· Some are overly friendly and can be full of flattery for no apparent reason. This is to win your trust and to disguise their unsavory motives.
· They can make a show about being friends with your, yet indulge in poisonous gossip about you.
· They almost always deny their role in spreading lies or starting untoward rumors about people.
· They are adept at making you, when you confront them, feel like the guilty party
Gottsman, (n.d.) article on “Office Etiquette: Dealing with a Jealous Coworker” provides some helpful tips on dealing with a jealous coworker:
· Sugar her with kindness. Try to get to the bottom of what may be setting off your envious colleague. Ask yourself honestly if it could be something that you are doing that is yanking her chain. If you don’t like her or avoid her at all costs, your own behavior may be the catalyst for conflict and office strife. Be pleasant and show respect for “Jealous Julie” and when the opportunity genuinely presents itself, compliment her on a job well done. Consideration often curtails the jealous offender; attempt to make her an ally rather than a vicious competitor.
Set boundaries. Don’t allow your jealous colleague to knock you off your professional track. If her behavior is distracting or affecting your job performance, consider extending a lunch invitation and asking her point blank if there is something on her mind. Being direct about the situation in a professional manner, in a public place may allow her to address the issue(s) and move on. The only warning is to keep it civil and professional.
Nurture office relationships. Don’t let one jealous coworker harm your relationships with fellow colleagues and your boss. Maintain a good attitude and don’t miss an opportunity to be included in office functions, team activities and the after-work soccer league. It’s more difficult for the jealous coworker to form alliances with those that enjoy spending time with you.
Do what you say you are going to do. Don’t give the jealous coworker reason to complain about you. If you say you are going to meet her at a client’s office, be on time, prepared and ready to work…don’t make her wonder if you can be trusted to keep your word.
Don’t exclude her from the party. This also includes company meetings or company events. Let your coworker know you consider her part of the team and treat her with respect. Forgetting to invite her to the office pizza party after work shows her that you don’t value her as part of the team.
Accept a few bumps in the road. Just as her animosity with you has developed over time, it may take just as much or more time to smooth things over. Be patient and remain optimistic. Your kindness will eventually triumph over the situation.
Encourage her to succeed. Let her vent her frustrations and fears and take steps to be a part of her success. This will build a relationship based on trust and respect and you’ll feel so much better sharing space with her day after day when you’re on the same page.
Give genuine feedback. Recognizing her hard work and saying “thank you,” or better yet, acknowledging her contributions in front of the team when the opportunity presents itself will make an impact over time.
Get professional help. If you can’t find a middle ground in your office conflict, ask for a third party that might be able to help you sort through the difficulty and come out better on the other side of the problem. Express that you want help to work the situation out and welcome a subjective third-party point of view. This person should be someone you both trust and respect that can be counted on to act in the best interest of the team and the company (Gottsman, n.d.).
Staying focused on your professional goals and making every effort to improve yourself, your career and your relations with every member of the team will go a long way towards making this year your very best.
Not anyone who does not practice deceitfulness can bet a deceiver at playing the game they know so well. Therefore, the best recourse is to steer clear, disassociate yourself from these toxic individuals outside of the workforce. Only they can change their behaviors, we can only work on our own self-development in life.
References Assertive. (n.d.) In Merriam-Webster’s collegiate dictionary. Retrieved November 29, 2018 from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/assertive
Backstabber. (n.d.) In Merriam-Webster’s collegiate dictionary. Retrieved November 29, 2018 from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/backstabbing
Gottsman, D. (n.d.) Office Etiquette: Dealing with a Jealous Coworker. Retrieved November 29, 2018 from https://dianegottsman.com/2013/01/29/when-love-isnt-in-the-air-dealing-with-a-jealous-coworker/
McMillian, C. (n.d.) 3 Ways to Battle the office backstabber. Retrieved on November 28, 2018 from https://www.themuse.com/advice/3-ways-to-battle-the-office-backstabber
Russell, J. E. A., (n.d.) Career Coach: Dealing with backstabbers at work. Retrieved on November 29, 2018 from https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/capitalbusiness/career-coach-dealing-with-back-stabbers-at-work/2011/06/22/AG1k7OjH_story.html?utm_term=.df683c517353
Severson, D. (n.d.) Be assertive with an underhanded coworker. Retrieved November 28, 2018 from https://woman.thenest.com/assertive-underhanded-coworker-2855.html
Simoes, M. (2013). 17 Essential Office Etiquette Tips. Retrieved November 29, 2018 from https://www.businessinsider.com/tips-on-office-etiquette-2013-3
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